I have just returned from an extended vacation with my family. It feels like some crazy mommy hijacked my body and took me for a joy ride. They finally found it abandoned by the side of the road and brought it home. Now I’m dealing with mysterious stains and detritus and a trunkful of dirty laundry.
I have not written a word for almost three weeks. Hello there! Nice to see you again! No, I’m not dead, just a little dazed and dented. Thanks for noticing!
It may take awhile to recover and in the meantime, I’d like to share some of the search terms readers used to find my blog (WordPress has all kinds of nifty gadgets to help me be a better blogger). Here is a partial list of search terms from this past week which I have rearranged. I offer it to you here as a kind of found poem:
girl in a hat
girl with knife behind her back man with flowers leaning in for a kiss
a woman from below
how to make friends with a crow
glass balls tied in rope
club lads spanking
screwed girls, girls screwed
plain girl with a toaster up her butt
what are some dirty parts of a girl?
what would water do?
train station busker vintage
man sitting in a busy indian train station
fuck delta, fuck airlines, fucked airlines girls
get me the phone hat
at dinner with girl, should I skip dessert?
Wow. Obviously, many of my so-called readers are looking for something else (that’s right: if you’re looking for porn, I’m afraid you’ve come to the wrong place—but hey, thanks for coming!). If I knew that calling myself the “girl in the hat” would imply that’s all that I’m wearing, I would have called myself “The Girl in the Hat and Other Tasteful Items of Clothing” or maybe “Woman Who Used to Be Hot But Now Looks Like Your Mother in a Hat,” although those certainly lack panache. Maybe I was subconsciously trying to seem young and sexy and hip? Which makes me wonder why did I have to drop the f-bomb in that story I wrote? (Yes, it’s true. I swear like a mΩ↑∏erFµ©≤er and I really ought to stop.)
I certainly do attract a horny crowd. But I will also certainly never be spot-lit on Freshly Pressed. Oh, well. The kids’ school has almost started: stay tuned for non-fluffy real writing soon!