yes (chapter 26, part 2)

(image courtesy vyxle)

When Lang opens the bedroom door, Eleanor is asleep with a smile on her face.   

Eleanor’s face with a man and a smile.  

Lang stands there gripping the doorknob, registering the small details that construct a larger impression:  the book splayed on the floor like a dead bird–the smooth sudden beauty of Elle’s bare shoulder emerging from the black silk kimono, the one Lang gave Rosemary on their first anniversary–the heft of the man under the quilt beside her–mardi gras beads draping the canopy bed like lurid party streamers–big brown boots at the foot of the bed–the naked sole of Elle’s foot peeking from under the quilt–

or is it Mae’s foot, Mae with a wig. With her eyes shut.  Playing sleeping beauty.  

But no.  That makes no sense at all.  It’s her own girl.  

Lang steps back into the hallway and shuts the door.

Downstairs at the kitchen sink.  The water’s too hot.  Elbows propped on the edge and hands cupped under the tap.  It flows down between her thumbs, fills her hollow hands and pushes out between her fingers.  Like trying to hold an explosion.  She sinks down like a stone.

**

If you want to read the rest, then ask your publisher-friend to make it happen.

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About girl in the hat

aka Anna Fonté, writer of novels, short stories, personal essays, and bits about the neighborhood crows. The things I write want you to look at them.

14 comments

  1. oh, do go on. i’m hanging!

  2. I love your writing. Every sentence feels like a dream I can get lost in.

    “the book splayed on the floor like a dead bird”

    Favorite line.

    More! More!

  3. I like how your description isn’t just filler or background imagery, but more like it’s a deep part of the character. The setting seems to bring Lang to life, to show her reactions deeply, as if the things around her have become her. Like the pills. Using something physical like that to show her mental state. Very nice.

  4. Jeeze I have to start at the beginning!

  5. The story seems so filled with emptiness – is it wrong for me to be worried about your characters (mind I used the plural!)?

  6. “. . . the levees are bursting . . .”

    What a terrific line. I think we can all identify with that feeling of emotional overflow.

  7. Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, 2&4&12B&24 9 26B 18A 14B 22 12A 18B 26A 20B&7&
    16A&16B 14A 15A&15B 11 23C 3B 3A 19A&19B13&23A&23B&21A&21B 20A
    6 10 21C 25A&25B&8&17A&17B&5&1 – Possibly your most interesting Lang
    chapter – I may have said this before, but perhaps you shoulden’t cut anything
    until you have a solid ending – things that seem pointless early on may be
    cards you can play lator – unless of course this story is outlined then you
    already have an ending – unless the plot takes over and gives you a
    better one. :D

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